I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
