You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Then you guys just all showered together...?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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