i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
