dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
