So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
