dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
