69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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