I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
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