is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
