I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
