when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
When are your genitals available?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
