You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
