umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
