Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize