and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
