Umm I'm too high to move.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
