Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize