did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
