This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
