Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
