R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
