He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
