so that wasnt chicken after all
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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