Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
