It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
