"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
