make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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