Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
