Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
