You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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