I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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