I am puke
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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