Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
