did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
