do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
