My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
