I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
