I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
