He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
