The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
wakey wakey hands off snakey
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
This toilet bowl is my home.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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