YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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