if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
