Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
