I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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