I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
