Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
