i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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