my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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