Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
