Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
