3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Randomize
