Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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