Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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