That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
