Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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