wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
