she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
