Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
