just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
