If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
