your room smells of hookers.
And success
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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