If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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