okay pat passed out under dana's car
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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