the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
