Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
