This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
If i come over, it means nothing
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
