i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just cropdusted the office
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
