Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
