she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
