apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I didn't notice because vodka
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
