So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
