I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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