New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
