$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
