am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
