Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
