I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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